#7 – Dude, not even CLOSE to ready

This one was so bad it’s even hard to real. Boring bad. The best bit is POST date where I nearly pee myself and get eaten whole  by a spider

So #7 was funny, clever and seemed to have a really neat job – navy videographer. He sent me this link to demo what he does even though he is not in the video:

http://www.10news.com/news/elite-camera-corps-captures-military-in-action-07092013

He was very much into learning to cook, liked fun kitchen gadgets. Seemed to know about cool music and shows.  He was always very communicative and told me how he was amicably divorced and had full custody of his kids. I know this isn’t the usual court ruling on custody so that means momma probably is drama and in fact our first attempt to meet was a Tuesday which he canceled on Monday saying that the ex had dropped off the family cat and all hell broke loose.  But through the correspondence it was said his ex was moved in with her boyfriend and all was well. Anyways, I figured #8 would be #7 and that this guy would maybe just not make the rotation at all because once they cancel, it’s hard to get rescheduled.  But he kept in touch and asked if I’d come to Coronado that Friday meaning I’d have date #7 with Navy Videographer and #8 Pt. Loma Photographer back to back.  Since #8 was scheduled for Saturday afternoon.  Yes it felt cramped but also I figured saying “no” all the times really stifles new experiences.

POF doesn’t have statics – no percentages and no questions that you can see answered.  Just VERY basic info is displayed like age, height, profession, personality type (as chosen by the fella)  etc. One odd one is “do you have a car”  It’s not really clear AT ALL why POF list a fella as “top prospect” or “top 10”. But both #7 & #8 were listed as one or the other.  Now my only other POF experience was #6. He was in my Top Prospect, so I felt pretty good about believing the POF algorithm.

So the plan with #7 was to catch the ferry to Coronado and have a walk and dinner over there.  I decided to scoot to work that day so I could also leave earlier to catch said ferry at 6pm.  I was about 2miles (up a steep, windy road) from work, going down a 6% grade at approximately 70mph when my transmission belt snapped. How I kept upright, made the sharp right turn at the bottom and didn’t get run over by the cars behind me when I had no way to power up the little incline – I do not know! It was so very scary.  So now I know I’m not getting to work today as I need this scooter operational and that’s when #6 rescued me.

I texted #7 to let him know I was now in a play-it-by-ear situation because I didn’t know when my scooter would be ready. When by 3pm and I hadn’t heard from the shop I just started to make my way down there since buses was going to take awhile. I got to the shop around 4pm and they told me that my scooter would be done in an hour. So I text #7 and ask if the 7pm ferry is too late – he replies that actually his day took a weird turn and yes, 7pm would be perfect.

So let me back up. I don’t think I’m really giving you the sense of how STRESSED out I was at this point.  Having that much adrenaline hit you pre 8am will screw your body up for sure. I didn’t know at that time what a great friend #6 would be so needing him to “rescue” me was weighing heavily on my head. Getting a bit of runaround at the shop (it was busy and I was a drop in) while #6 waited on me, just frustrated the HELL out of me.  Like we needed a ramp to get the scoot out of the van because #6 hurt his shoulder getting it in. He couldn’t even leave if he wanted while we waited for someone to help us. That was 100% me emoting improperly because #6 didn’t sweat it at all. I ended up in tears when we were finally pulling away from the shop to do his errands and that surprised the hell out of him. #6 didn’t realize I was THAT frustrated and neither did I. It was one of those “hear your voice crack, your face turn red and within a millisecond the tears come and all you can do is whisper”.  Totally uncool.  And any time Big Baby Blue is non-operational, I’m under duress. I rely on that scooter in more ways than I care to go into at this time. The point being, I was a freaking mess and I sorta hoped that by having to push it back to 7pm would be a deal breaker with #7.  Rushing home to shower the stink of the day off me and get back to the ferry on Friday night was going to be hard.

But #7 still wanted to meet so I went.

On the ferry I took this picture because I was so impressed with how my face showed no signs of the stressful day at all.

that calm would not last. I get off the ferry and meet #7. He’s in camo cutoffs, flipflops and well-worn tshirt. His face doesn’t look as peaceful as mine. He’s aware he’s not dressed awesomely for a first date and begins to explain his “crazy” day.

Here is what I learned over the next 45mins (his side of the story anyways).  He is NOT divorced and was only 2months into his separation (uh… why did you think your ex moving in with a dude she’s known for 2mos was gonna work out???) that it’s long been over but he stayed in it for the kids. 2months ago he had her committed to a mental institution and that’s how they became “separated”.  Since then she has been living on couches and in cars when not meeting and shacking up with “boyfriends”. Pretty crazy two months. Well that very day, having exhausted all her welcomes with friends and getting tickets for sleeping in the car, she tried to commit herself into a mental ward. The regular hospital didn’t have room and saw she was active Navy so sent her to Balboa. Balboa didn’t have room OR they didn’t think she really was mentally ill so asked her why she doesn’t just go home. Her response “I don’t feel safe there”. What she meant, he says, was that she tries to hurt herself or the kids when she’s there. When a woman tells any hospital worker she doesn’t feel safe at home it probably leads to a domestic violence investigation.  In the Navy, it has you called into your ranking officer’s office for a talking to.  Since 3pm that day he was told by his supervisor to move into the barracks until the children returned from vacation (Tuesday) and the wife live in the house. There was a restraining order so he wasn’t allowed to go near the house and he was worried about whether the pet spider would live ‘til Tuesday in her care and worried about have to explain to his son his spider died. 

So I wonder if you’re as sick to YOUR stomach as I was dear reader. There is a ferry every hour so I got on the next one.  I felt like I had been run over by a bus with all the negative energy that guy had on him. So frenetic. But mostly I kept thinking “Why the fuck didn’t you cancel the date”? He said he didn’t want to cancel since he had to cancel once already. If you’re gonna tell me all the crazy shit, you may as well just cancel and lump it – you are nowhere near ready to dating. That’s WAY to much drama going on. Plus spiders….

So I get back to shore in San Diego, now, 8:30pm and I’m STARVING but that sensation is only second to having to pee really bad. All the signs say the bathroom is up on shore. I get to the bathroom door doing a pee dance, hoping, hoping I don’t pee my pants and it’s locked because it’s after sundown.  OH SHIT.  I walk cross legged back towards the fancy restaurant, mentally volleying my options – get on my scooter and see if I make it home.  Where could I get cheap eats and pee close by? Should I see if the restaurant would let me pee. I could see the patrons going in were dressed pretty fancy and I wasn’t convinced I looked sane at this point – pee dancing and being run over by the crazy ex truck. So I decided to scoot knowing full well I just may pee my pants….. I start up my scooter to see one of those HUGE red spiders that weave GINORMOUS webs between trees had got a web half way done. A semi circle of silky, creepy beauty  between my throttle and a tree. My head light making that spider look 4x bigger. How I didn’t pee AND shit myself right then, I don’t know. Angels be with me J My mind is racing with options but “oh god, don’t pee your pants” crept up between each thought. I looked for a stick and found a wimpy palm leave to swipe it way from my throttle. Oh man there was kick back. I felt the web on me and couldn’t see the spider and new if I didn’t take off RIGHT THEN I would pee my pants right there.

I scooted up the hill to Luigis Pizza in Hillcrest and the need to pee lessened. I ordered a slice and peed and was finally home at 10pm on the saddest, most stress date of my life.  Surely #8 would be better…..

#6 – first of the Fishes and the best catch that far.

So by early July, I felt like I had been out on all the dates I was gonna like with OkCupid so I opened a Plenty of Fish (POF) account. At that point on OkC only the U-25 team was hitting me up with incomplete sentences text shortcuts and well, with nothing interesting to reply to. Within my first 12hrs on POF I was contacted by #6 and he was cryptic, obtuse but in a very sweet way, clearly trudged through my whole profile, asked me questions, told me what he liked. That will get a reply from me 99% of the time. His tag line is “a thousand jars of noisy moonlight” and I just like that imagery. Many of those early messages he quoted Planet of the Apes and/or Charlton Heston. I knew I was gonna like this guy from the word go but also knew that since we were both Pisces we’d spend a shit ton of time going around and around with “what do YOU want to do?” He was from the middlewest, and living a creative life – in a band, writing and drawing. Has a BA in architecture. He makes his money working at a club – the night shift. In the last year he, too, has taken his health more seriously having dropped 80lbs.  We just understood each other in little ways that might be over looked by others and it was great that little idiosyncrasies were the norm between us two. Even down to seeking whole wheat bread with no High Fructose Corn Syrup. We just clicked and clicked and clicked.

He only has Weds/Thurs off so we made a plan to meet that next Weds and continued our silly correspondence in the meantime. He was so funny, sweet and poetic so when his email handle had the word DOOM in it, I giggled. That’s how I put it in my phone so with every text the word DOOM would light up my screen and the giggling would follow. Seeing that light up my phone never got old.  He drives a 19ft passenger van around and the back ¼ is a wooden cage so that windows can’t be broken and band gear stolen.  I joked that it was probably for luring hispters into by rolling tallboys of tecate back there. A dude with a van with a cage.  #6 is just getting more and more interesting.  While he was my 6^thonline date, I was his first.  I kept telling him how fucking lucky he was to have found ME on his first try.  For reasons I don’t recall, he needed to pick me up for the date. I think my scoot was in the shop getting repaired. Trying to keep to the rules of not telling people where I live I suggested he pick me up around the corner at the 7-11. He then began to worry I was some knuckle head frat boy who was gonna jump him. So I broke one of my rules and let him pick me up outside my house. There is a gate, I could keep him out but I knew in my heart of hearts this was going to be an epic connection. Epic how, I didn’t know, but Epic. So I gave him my address.

So he came to pick me up and got out of his van to open my door for me. Only the door was locked and the key was still in the ignition so he had to go back around to the other side and open it from the inside. I just climbed in and spared him walking back around. I thanked him for not making me ride in the cage.

He had a nervous, sweet energy about him. Unbeknownest to us, we were having a contest to see who could smile the most.  Walking around Old Town with him was SOOO much better than #4 and he didn’t mind me stopping to take pictures of things like “Hello Titty” shirts.

Dinner was so much better than with #4, the conversation flowed super easy and both of us caught ourselves sharing more than we thought we would/should on a first date.  There was no awkwardness with the bill but post dinner, which again was a pleasant contrast to #4 in the same place. As we left, he needed to use the boy’s room so I sat on a bench usually reserved for patrons waiting to be seated, figuring he had to walk past me.  As I waited my friend Diane began to text me asking me about the date. We went back and forth a bit when I realized I had been sitting there a while.  Either the food didn’t agree with him or he was outside waiting for me. When I went outside, I saw him looking around a little panicked. When he turned to see me the smile returned to his face and he sorta laughed. He said he thought I took off and didn’t think it was going so bad as to have me run off.   We had a good laugh about how his first thought was I had run off and mine was that he had the runs.  There was something so frickin’ sweet about him thinking I left him there.

Unfortunately I have to be up pretty early on weekdays and he knew this and didn’t want to keep me out too late.  He walked me to my gate and kissed me. Like REALLY kissed me. No other date had been so bold. There was no debate, no “will he, won’t he” just owned it and kissed me. I, of course, was not prepared and had my keys in one hand and my left overs in the other. Putting my arms around his neck was awkward – didn’t want to poke his eye out OR spill food all down his back. But awkward was our thing so it was pretty much perfect.

We had a second date no too much later after. I made dinner and we watched a movie. The petting got pretty heavy there but also how we discovered that weren’t totally compatible that way. I will NOT be giving out those discovery details so don’t ask..  We would be EPIC friends.

We texted most days and I think he went home to Missouri at some point but one day, I’m scooting to work and my scooter belt breaks. I’m stranded 40miles from the shop, pre 8am and don’t really have any idea how to get to the city PLUS didn’t have money for a tow. I tried all the scooter people I knew and no answer. At 7:40am, I called Doom, knowing he only went to sleep 4 hours earlier. He didn’t answer. I felt bad for hassling someone I hardly knew but his van cage would be perfect. He woke up a minute or two later and was on his way.  Totally Epic!! I knew it was my belt and thought it would be a quick in and out at the shop so we dropped it off and waited nearly an hour to be checked in and then to be told they’d call me with news. Doom was willing to stick around a bit but needed to run some errands. So we ran errands. He got to see me totally get frustrated and lose my shit because I needed scooter problems like I needed kicked in the teeth and he stuck around anyways. I took him out to lunch and paid for gas and he took me home.

What’s nuts about that scooter belt day is I had date #8 later that night.  #7 the weekend before. But having Doom save me when I couldn’t reach anyone else I knew for years really had me understand how lucky I was Doom came in to my life.

#6, Doom, now regularly comes over for dinner – once every other week or so.  We go to movies, even went on one hike.  Watches Linus when I’m out of town.  I’ve been to his place for dinner once and he tried to kill me with red peppers and chilis.  All in all, I have a great time any time I get to hang out with #6.  I’ve made a dear friend out this guy and he’s the best thing to happen via online dating yet!

Fella #5 - my enemy

Fella #5

So OkCupid tells you who has visited your profile.  #5 was the first dude who visited me with 0% match, 3% friends and 98% enemies.  98^th percentile of enemies?  Wowzers, how does that even work? I read his profile and nothing was extremely offensive to me.  He was apparently a double threat: musician and actor. Scottish. Seemed to have a wit about him.  I looked at the questions we mutually answered and there wasn’t anything really far out there.  The OKC algorithm stumped me but honestly, I don’t know shit about any algorithms so this isn’t a surprise. Still, why would #5 and I be surefire enemies?

I sent him an email asking if he’d ever seen this high of ranking of enemies before because I hadn’t. We went back and forth and I noticed he used the phrase ‘sounds fair” a lot when I never saw “fairness” as an issue example when discussing places to meet I said, there were loads of bars down near me and he replied “sounds fair”.  We made a plan to meet at a bar of his choosing to see if we made each other’s skin crawl.  He lived in Clairmont and that was a bit of scoot but it was summer and warm so why not?

The bar wasn’t so much a dive as it was just a crappy sport bra. Yeah I said sports BRA.  #5 was already saddled up to bar and had the look like he rode that particular stool a lot.  He wasn’t terrible to look at but I don’t even think he stood up when I arrived.  This was the kind of place that didn’t have hard cider and well I don’t drink beer but then it was night and I had to scoot home so a bar wasn’t a great idea anyways.

I don’t remember how the convo went or in what order. I do know he was wearing his own band shirt and pointed it out. He is a one man band. Plays all the instruments, records and produces (burn cds himself) and was working on a new album per the request of his biggest fan: his nephew. It only got weirder. As you may have noticed, I am a talker and I didn’t get two words in. Scottish? being that some of my favorite people in the WORLD are scottish, this is the mostly likely part of why I even considered this adventure. I said I expected an accent. He said he was born there but left after couple of weeks and NEITHER of his parents were Scottish, it's just were his mother gave birth.  I told him that didn't make him Scottish. He disagreed. I explained how I marked the box that said "Alaskan" on the first standardized test I took upon landing in the lower-48 and I got in PLENTY of trouble for calling myself Alaska and even I was born there, lived there until I was 14 and my momma was born there. I'm ALASKAN but understand that Alaskan is reserved for the native indian/eskimo clans up there. Being BORN somewhere doesn't MAKE you that nationality, sheesh. He insisted it it. Whatevs. I was more scottish than that guy!

He asked me my favorite ride was at Disneyland. I told him I have only been once, that it rained like a son of a bitch, and only got on 4 rides: Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, Small World, and Haunted Mansion. That, honestly, I was super proud of to make to the edge of 40 having never made it Disney and wasn't sure I'd go back if it wasn't for the little girl who wanted me there to begin with.  I don't think he heard a word. He began to ask me about just about every other ride and pretending to be over-the-top incredulous to hear I hadn't been on it… had I been on that? I had “no, I’ve only been on 4, Peter Pan, Pirates of the Carribean, Small World, and Haunted Mansion” on repeat. Eventually he got around to (and how I learned he fancied himself an actor) what he REALLY wanted to brag about.  There was some sort of star wars thing that asks people to take a part and he hoped, hoped, hoped he would get asked to play something… since he is also an actor and…. HE DID!! It was the best of his life, apparently. Having NO idea what he is talking about it's hard to be impressed by this.

He may or may not have noticed my eyes glassing over. My guess is he didn’t.  He told me how he has been unemployed for a while but works under the table as some other bar so he still gets unemployment. He also doesn’t have a driver’s license and never learned to drive. I asked his age again, 38…He then got very serious and talked about how when he was taking driver’s ed he had a panic attack and it was then learned his mother was a terrible driver in his youth and he had PTSD about driving because of it. As someone who was thrown from a rear window of car that was rolling over, I had some serious shitty driving exposure in my youth and still learned to drive. So I asked was there an accident or something? The answer was no. She was just terrible and that made him fearful so he has never had a license.  He then started making fun of my scooter and I didn’t really let him since you know, he didn’t have a license to drive ANYTHING motorized.  Once that was all discussed he was back to Disneyland and rides I never rode. It was pretty awkward and other than Disney rides, he never asked me one question. Then his phone rang and he said it was important, he had to take it and answered and stepped outside. I don’t know if I sat there 2mins or 15. Time was passing very slowly.  I realized that he was hardly employed so what the fuck would be “important” at this hour? I also realized I didn't care if I ever had to listen to another disney story again. I walked outside and he was laughing on the phone and working a cigarette.  I mimed that I was heading home. He told whom ever he was on the phone with to hang on  a second and  reiterated the  call was very important. Whatevs.

So that’s what it is, in my experience, my enemy is a self-absorbed douche bag that will talk your ear off without any indication that you are listening.

That’s ok #6 came along a short time later and he is AWESOME!

Fella #4 - everyone's nightmare of an online date

Fella #4

FINALLY! A textbook shitty online date! The one you’ve been waiting to hear.

So OKC has a lot of questions, many of which seem like they were written by 12 year olds, that you answer to help the algorithm match you.  I have answered somewhere over 500 questions so should be able to be matched well… you’d think.

#4 and I were highly matched on OkCupid.  He emailed impressed with the percentages and stated matter-of-factly that he doesn’t do this email back and forth thing. That if I wanted to meet let him know.  I wrote back with a knee-jerk “well I don’t meet strangers - I know nothing about so looks like we’re at an impasse”.  He wrote something like “oh well, that’s too bad”

So this was a juncture where I was hyper aware that 40 years of behavior wasn’t all working for me so MAYBE I needed to take a chance on trying things a new way.  I felt pretty stinky shutting this guy down so I emailed and said as much – I’m willing to try a new way since my old ones have yet to get me what I want.  And a plan was hatched: meet one night in Old Town, walk around, get a bite to eat.

Old Town is one of those tourist traps but short of getting a train on the outskirts of it each day, I don’t really get there much.  It’s really quite lovely on a summer’s night.  Fella #4 had a handle (we have to have “usernames” on OKC) of like Musiclover something something. He 44, divorced, two grown kids. Independent contractor, his profile says.  His pictures look well staged but he looks happy and comfy in his skin. One thing I find a little off putting in pictures is both his ears are pierced and that just looked weird on this super generic in every other way dude.

When I get to Old Town, there is an OLDER man, that is looking haggard and slurring his speech.  The first thing he says to me in that slurred speech was “Don’t take this the wrong way” (hey buddy, if it needs that preface maybe save it until you know me better or better yet – think of way to say it that can’t be taken wrong) “but you’re not obese like you state in your profile.  Overweight yes, but not obese”.  He was clearly disappointed I wasn’t rocking plus sized boobs. I explained that technically, I was obese, but yes, I carried it well at that point and was losing more each day.  So think fella has read all my answers, great. And so the night began.

He then apologized. Not for that opener, no, he apologized because he just took prescription pain meds for the kidney stone he was trying to pass and was feeling loopy.  As we walked, as we were seated for dinner and through a margarita the size of his head that he imbibed, while on prescription pain meds, and as he waited for his food – he talked about his kidney stones , passed (pun intended),  present and future.  How he’s been passing them consistently for nearly 8 years.  Now, I’m not wicked smart but I guess I know some things about kidney stones that even this expert experienced didn’t understand.  Like he said he was drinking lots of water but that made him pee too much and wasn’t helping so he stopped.  That he drinks a lot of coffee so that’s enough fluid.  I explained the drinking enough water was as much about moving stuff through your body as much as it was about not letting shit sit in your kidneys to build up in to stones.  That coffee/caffeine is a dehydrator, as is the alcohol he was consuming WHILE ON PAIN MEDS, and that was likely exasperating the problem but that his doctor probably told him that over the last 8 years.  He was like “huh…there’s another lie in your profile”.  Another lie, old man, clearly not 44???? He continues

“You said you thought you were stupid…” to which I interrupted

“there is NO way I would have said I was stupid” I think he thought he was flirting and continued

“you answered a question that said you don’t think you’re smart than the average person”. And with that he smiled and continued “and you are NOT stupid”. And he leaned back as if say “BOOM! Compliment! You’re welcome”.  I explained in no way would I ever consider myself stupid.  That I work with some very, very brilliant people with insane educations so relative to the average among the people I spend most of my waking hours, NO, I’m not smarter than the average person. But hells to the yes, I’m above average for the table. Ok, I didn’t say that last bit but jesus what a douchebag.

So the dude isn’t into music as much as MUSICALS. And he wants to talk musicals when not talking kidney stones.  I’ve seen exactly zero live performances so can add nothing to this conversation.  He says he’s “sad for me” and actually tears up a smidge to hear I’ve never seen a musical.  At some point, without even catching himself he admits that at 49 something something something.  So there’s a lie in his profile. I highly doubt he’s 49 either… He thinks he looks 44, that maybe he could get away with 49 but honestly I’m thinking mid 50s with this jerkface.

Dinner ends and the check comes, I throw down my card with his and he thanks me because he’s broke and didn’t really want to buy two dinners. The meds are clearly not filtering his words. He thinks on it a second and pushes my card back and asks if I can just cover the tip.  I explain I would really be more comfortable paying but he insists… Sure. I’ll cover the tip…. After dinner we start walking and he puts his arm around me – which I duck right the fuck out of and he looks at me appalled and says “oh, it’s going to be like that?”.  Trying to be polite and just get the hell out of the way I explained he was still a stranger and I didn’t feel like physical contact was appropriate it. I swear he was about to say something about paying for dinner and I gave him a look that nearly killed him. The look that said “don’t go there fucker, I WILL kick your teeth in”. He backed off that thought before something else shitty came out of his mouth.

He followed me back to my parked scooter and I got my armored coat and helmet on quick so as to illustrate that in no way he was to touch me.  He said he had a really good time and we should do it again when he isn’t in so much pain.  I said I didn’t think so but thanks for dinner.  By the time I got home some 15mins later, I had an email on OkCupid saying that he didn’t think there was physical connection and wished me luck. Yeah, you, too, buddy.

So from this I learned, yes, I want some back and forth banter BEFORE I go meet a fella.

Fella #5… he was 0% match, 3% friend and 98% enemy…. Stay tuned to read how unthrilling meeting your mortal enemy can be…..

Fella #3 - some guys you just gotta make out with

Fella #3

So we’ve all done this right? Made out with someone who drives you nuts to even hear them speak but there’s a magnetism there that has you make out without thinking twice.  Well I thought twice. I thought 3 times and still, I made out.

This guy was flighty and obtuse in his messages. He is 43 years old. Also married for 20+ years and recently divorced. Splitting rent in a small apartment with his dad. Kids ages 12-24 and there are 4 of them. Now, getting married at 19 and having 4 kids USUALLY means one thing – vastly religious. Whether the “every-sperm-is-scared” catholic or the outer spacey Mormons – young marriages and a ton of kids usually has the touch of religion up on it.

So I meet this guy at a bar of his choice. It’s within walking distance of both our houses.  I ask him pretty much straight out of the gate if he’s deeply religious because, being honest, that just won’t fly with me. I just don’t believe in any god. None. So if that’s a big deal to him and not me, there is likely an impasse.

Dude launches into what he clearly thinks is an intelligent, well thought out answer and it is a pile of poo poo.  Just hearing him talk about it makes my skin crawl. He really thinks he’s got it all figured out.  He doesn’t believe god has decided where to send you, heaven or hell, when we reach the pearly gates but that each of us get to have a healthy debate with the supreme being and negotiate our eternity.  And he tells me all this without taking a breath and with a totally straight face – he’s been thinking on this A LOT.  Oh, and he swears it happened post separation but the rest of his family is Mormon with his eldest daughter doing her missionary stint in South America. But he is not a Mormon, he says.

The dude is not bad people. Not at all. Just not really MY kind of people. We have no common experiences beyond living in the same neighborhood and breathing.  He does like scooters, there’s that, but doesn’t have any.  But he’s tall, and gangly and handsome and that IS my kind of making out interest – I’m a sucker for those kind of fellas.  He walked me home and got all awkward trying to figure out if he should kiss. I made it pretty clear he shouldn’t.  So that first meeting we parted ways sans any making out.

I went out with fella #4 before I saw fella #3 again.  And Fella #4 was one of those nightmares you hear about of online-dating.  So Fella #3 contacts me again after that terrible #4 and I we go out and end up back at my place full on making out like we were teenagers.  Fella #3 is a great maker-outer.  Making out like you’re a teen again is super fun.  I just really hate the down time where he starts talking.  Fella #3 and I stay in very loose touch.  I suffered through a non-make out lunch with him in July and that sealed the deal that I really do NOT want to spend hanging out time with him and really, I’m just about too old for make-out only friends. We shall see.  

Fella #2 - Amazing who you meet

Fella #2

So Fella #2 was a South African PhD in Psychiatry in the US on a work visa expiring in July.  His profile stated his situation was fluid and he wasn’t looking for a greencard or anything.  The thing in his profile that plucked my interest chord was that he that he recognized he was a lyrics man. Loved music but mostly lyrics and that’s my setup too.  I’m pretty sure I messaged him. OkC has us in the mid 90^th percentile for match and friends so really it wasn’t a stretch to know we’d get a long.

Now, back then I still had my car and he lamented only having a short time left and not really having seen much of California outside of SD.  He never got a license here and got around on bike and bus.  I most got around on scoot as my car was on it’s last legs.  The plan was to meet in La Jolla where he could get to pretty easy.  We met for coffee and the conversation was easy.  He was researching meth brains. MRIs of the brains of people on meth. I’m simplifying this too much but the gist.  My original interest in school was neuropsychology and I knew just enough to ask some pretty annoying questions J But even so, I found his work fascinating and had loads of questions, the answers of which were largely “I don’t study THAT aspect”…

We walked around La Jolla shores for a few hours. Got WICKED sunburned.  Had lunch and made plans to see a movie sometime.

The next time I met him it was for a movie. He didn’t so much as even ACCIDENTALLY bumped my arm.  After the movie we stood by my scooter talking – probably another 1hour or so and still no even accidental touching and no moves awkward or otherwise to so any interest in affection.  I was disappointed as he had a very kissable looking mouth but I always enjoyed his company regardless of what it was we were doing so I was happy to take a friend out the situation.  After date 2, much braver in email, I told him I noticed he wasn’t interested in more than friends and I was ok with that, that I really enjoyed his company as-was. Being a true gentleman, he said that his mind was already back in South Africa and not capable of thinking of a relationship here. READ: a polite way of diffusing – "yeah, I don’t like you that way."

Fella #2 and I went to a few more movies. He came by the art show at the opening of Amerivespa to see what all my hype was about and on the last Sunday he was here, we took the ferry to Coronado and rode bikes, had lunch and it was all very lovely.  I even convinced him to TRY a cupcake (something he claimed he hated) from Sprinkles since it was across the street from his office the last 2 years! Sheesh! Turned out he doesn’t hate cupcakes.

Fella #2 went home to South Africa as planned. He’s the only one I’ve friended on Facebook at this point.  He’s super funny on the internet. Way more reserved in real life. But I’d totally hang out with #2 any time I can. Good people

Fella #1 - and so the adventure begins...

Fella #1

So my assumption is when you first sign up to OkCupid they make sure EVERYBODY knows.  Within minutes of activating an account without filling out much detail, I was already getting emails. And most of the dudes who are waiting for fresh blood just cut straight to the chase: let’s meet.

While I was sure I wanted to start dating, I wasn’t at all sure how ready I was to ACTUALLY go meet someone new.  My self-esteem was slowly coming back and very much fragile.  I can’t tell you how gutting it is to see the look of utter disappointment on someone’s face when they see you.  When I gained all that weight I became pretty much invisible – unnoticed by all men. Even men with a big girl fetish really just like crazy big boobs and that wasn’t my set up at all. So I just wasn’t sure I was ready to meet someone that I didn’t already have a pretty good rapport –eg: back and forth banter.  So those early days were overwhelming and I disabled my account a time or two. 

Fella #1 came at me with an opening email of something like “I bet a lot of creeps contact you here”. Which I thought was pretty funny.  Like I was gonna fall for that old rouse, “everyone else is creepy, I’m a good guy” and I said as much.  From there the banter was pretty funny.

OKC likes to rank you by match, friend and enemy %.  Fella #1 and I didn’t even score in the 80^th percentile on friends.  He is 44, divorced after 20 years of marriage, 2 years ago.  All kids are grown with the last starting college in the Fall.  He didn’t see his first concert until he took his son to one in the last 10 years.  He and I really couldn’t be much different.  He is a former marine with combat experience that he doesn’t like to talk about but has PTSD and has a hard time sleeping.  Looks wise, really not my type but I was well aware my type wasn’t really working out for me either.  So I met Fella #1 with friends in mind.  We met at a dog park and walked his big Rottweiler around the island and then had lunch. It was nice. He was pretty shy and very gentlemanly.  We made plans to go to the movies the next weekend.

We did the movies and I think that’s one of the few times in my life a dude has paid for me.  It was weird for me. I am not used to doors being opened, tabs being picked up and extra strange since I didn’t think we were “dating” as much as hanging out.   After that second date he called me while he was at work.  I thought that was strange – like what’s going on that he would step away from work to call.

He braved up and told me he acquired a pretty major STD and wasn’t comfy dating. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that I wasn’t comfortable with his STD but that PLENTY of people have it and I bet there is even a meet up or something for people with it.  He was way too embarrassed to seek help or medication.  We hung out as friends a few more times but it clearly depressed him that the relationship was limited because of his disease.

Fella #1 was a great first to get back out there and just meet new people. Super funny, nice guy that I hope finds a way to deal with his problem because it’s not a celibate sentence. I totally admired he did the right thing and told me, especially if he thought our relationship was going somewhere. Whomever passed it to him wasn’t upfront and well, that’s a problem so I’m glad he broke that cycle of infection. And he deserves happiness and I hope he finds it. 

The Online Profile

The way online dating works varies by website put OkCupid and PlentyofFish both require a profile. I have the same thing in both. Now, any potential suitor is gonna find soon enough that I’m a talker. My nickname is Jen Echo for fuck’s sake! My dad gave that to me when I was but 3 years old because it was already apparent I liked the sound of my own voice because I talked even when no one was listening! So yes, you have to read A LOT about me.  I feel like I’m true in my profile. When I started in April, my original strategy was to respond to any email that showed the dude clearly read my profile.  Then discovered I have a really hard time letting people down so now I respond to any dude who labored through my profile AND I see something in his that makes it seem plausible I’d want to hang out with the guy. To date I've been out with 12 guys. Some only once. Some a few times. I've kissed a few, slept with one. Most have had one meeting and nothing more. That's 100% mutual when it happens.

THE PROFILE:

Self Summary

I'm a little shy and awkward at first. I'm not a social butterfly but I'm outgoing when in my small group of friends.

I'm single, never married, no kids. I didn't really think I'd be 40 with that set up but it clearly was never too important as I've had lots of chances just chose my independence instead. My life is good so far and I don't expect that to change. I have never been afraid to follow my heart. No regrets on chances I take. Now none of this is to say I don't like kids. Quite the opposite. I love kids and they love me. Just wasn't destine to have my own.

I was born and raised in Alaska. Called Michigan home in my teens and early 20s. Lived in Boulder/Denver for 3 years Lived in Chicago for 6 years and thoughtfully chose San Diego 8 years ago because I loved all the ecosystems I could spend my free time in from here.

I'm happy being out with friends and happy being at home.

My favorite living being is my 17 year old chihuahua, Linus Bucko Jones. My two precious possessions are my scooter and my record collection.

I love going to see bands. I like going to the movies. I love neighborhood adventures like BINGO at Void or summer Velo races. Heck maybe you know of some fun things happening around town. Hit me up!

As it states in my details... I'm currently carrying a little extra. If you can't love me like this you don't get a shot when I'm fit either. Thems the breaks.

I'm interested in fellas who are funny, kind, love indie rawk/pop and are down to Earth. If you are posing in front of a mirror sans a shirt; only notice my physical beauty or otherwise haven't read my profile and noticed my humor then we likely aren't a match. I'm not looking for a booty call.

What I’m doing:

I work in Carlsbad so I spend way too many waking hours commuting but I love living in North Park.

I'm focusing on my health. Eating better, exercising and what not. Been following Weight Watchers since January. 55lbs gone so far!!

I'm all about adventures big and small. I just want to see and do things I've never done before. think some up- invite me along!

What I’m good at

entertaining myself. thinking up adventures.

First thing people notice about me:

That's gonna depend on when you first notice me. probably my pink cheeks or pale skin. But say I'm on the train platform: I'm in an armored scooter coat and wearing ugly sweatpants under a really cute dress- you'll likely mistake me for some batshit crazy homeless person. Scooting bare-legged is asking for a skin graft so hopefully you will find this ensemble amusing and not judge me nutty :)

Favorite Books, Movies, music, tv, food

Books - I'm not an epic reader. My favorite book of all time is "Confederacy of Dunces" my other favorite book is "Phantom Tollbooth" and I give a copy to every kid I know. The last thing I read was "Black Postcards a Rock & Roll Romance." Dean Wareham's side of the Galaxie 500 story. Before that I think was "Bossy Pants". I'd say I like Haruki Murakami but really it was just the "Wind-Up Bird Chronicles". I've started and never finished (and not for any good reason because it's a good book as far as I read) "Tin Drum" by Gunter Grass. I'd like to finish that and should. I like music biographies and humor mostly but yeah, I read all the Harry Potter books as they came out as well as Twilight and Sookie Stackhouse stories.

Movies - man I will go to the movies any time. I love movies. Not fan of gruesome horror but funny/campy horror yes.

Shows- like tv? I watch all sorts of tv. maybe too much. No reality tv EXCEPT "So You Think You Can Dance". I like mostly cable shows, I guess like Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Nurse Jackie, True Blood, Girls, et al.

Music- I'm squarely in the indi rawk/pop stuff. My last concerts were Neko Case and Sebadoh before that Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel and Built to Spill. Up next maybe King Khan, Primal Scream, RFTC and Father John Misty. I don't go to as many shows as I used to but am usually willing, just not paying attention. It was once said and well, I think it's pretty accurate, that I listen to indie rawk made by skinny white guys made between 1987-96. Among my records there is a large Cure, Stone Roses and Pavement collection. But I love music in general. And everything sounds better on vinyl (everything I listen to).

Food -I have a VERY simple palate. Fancy food isn't my thing. I like Americana, Italian, BBQ, Thai, Mexican. No fish. I repeat NO fish or any other sea creature. Also if I never have moose again, it'll be too soon. I don't care if you eat fish and moose so I hope you don't hassle me about not eating it. I figure even couples need outside interests so let sushi and fish be something you do apart from me :)

Six Things I can’t live without:

my scooter, my record player, my records, a place to call home, a noisy fan while I sleep and my sense of humor

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

what I'm doing right in life and what I'm doing wrong in my life. Working and focusing on the right.

Typical Friday Night:

I'm finding my Friday nights have no rhyme or reason or at least no consistency of activity. Sometimes I even forget it's Friday

Most private thing I’m willing to admit

Because I can, I sleep all kinds of ways on my king size bed. Diagonally usually. Head where feet should go or across the middle. And often, if I'm too lazy to put my laundry away, I leave it on one half of said bed. Taking full advantage of my single, living alone life. wOot!WoOt!

I’m looking for:

·         Straight Guys Only

·         Ages 35-45

·         Near Me

·         Who are single

·         For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

You should message me if:

If you knew "Baby Blue" by Badfinger before it closed the series of Breaking Bad

If you can specifically say what it was in my profile that caught your eye.

If you promise never to try to talk me into going to sushi

If you have a record collection and working turntable

If you like getting around in the world with two wheels

(Any combination of the above is good)